slicing off little pieces of myself
a brief vision of vulnerability

wounds heal slowly these days
sometimes bleeding for hours
I like to stand over rushing water
and watch the red drops of my muddled essence
dilute and blend into the current

saltwater burns the

          open     wounds

               I think

I like them better this way

     alive

     in deep red

instead of

          pale scars

littering     my     surface

maybe 
I’ve been 

     hibernating

I honestly couldn’t tell you

present

     without past


I’ll let you know

what it’s like

          when I find out

bits   and   pieces
of jewelry
     unworn
          except by time
sit idle
in a    wooden box
in a         house
that you haven’t thought about in years

and their glow
     still exists   
          in my head
I am    almost    sure
they are more beautiful
          than ever

I found a note in a field of orchids
      that asked me if
I had ever seen a storm like this before
       never-ending clouds
rain in such an amount that
everything in its wake dissolved
      melting together
      and forming something new

I empathize with the crescent moon
with the rising smoke
from a burning tree in the distance             
      I am a notion
            an impression
                   decaying and flourishing
permutating within every moment

I can’t pretend
that I don’t love it
that I don’t crave
a little bit of fucked up
I just feel safer
when I see scars
or that ever-questioning look
I know all too well

walls clash
and meld
and feel
for the first time
in a long time

how many times can you
reframe the same decaying portrait
until it becomes something else entirely?

weightless
commanded by the tides
by the webs that you form
the webs that form you
thoughtless lust
clawing at your stomach
clawing at all of your senses

balance, balance, balance
screams the heart
that couldn’t help but look down
you didn’t hear it
you were too occupied
hanging paintings with your eyes closed

gratitude
for the smallest moments
ripples in a murky puddle

I want to lay
in grass and dirt and
dig for worms so I can
watch them dance with
graceful simplicity
atop my blackened fingers
I want to sit so very
still until I become the unmovable stone or
the unshakeable tree
and maybe then the rabbit will see that
I just wanted to say hello
I just wanted to say hello