reckon with the
emptiness in the air
you can fill it back up
with a hoarse voice
second-guessed sentences
to make sure you mean it

in the barren fields
I will lean towards the sunlight

caustic pleasures
sometimes I just
need it to hurt
it’s always the framing
and long lists
of things to keep in mind

I want to be absorbed
into a decaying piano
and see the light
through warbled melody

I still make up
these little stories sometimes
about a vague protagonist
followed by an unreliable narrator
stories full of the things
that help me fall asleep
quietly traveling
through places I’ve tried to forget

there’s never an ending
but I can give you
so many beginnings

the hedonist in hiding
can’t you see the
sunken eyes the
shaking hands
and the hunger
always the hunger

no one told me
the edge was so
beautiful
I guess no one really
comes back

how can I explain?

memories
disfigure themselves
day by day
thoughts
become warped
bent and broken
collapsing and imploding

it’s nice to meet you
I’m just not sure where to start
and there’s so little time
to spare on the past

you paused for a moment
looking to see how far you’d come
but the trail-markers turn to ash as you approach
and the ash follows the wind

your world is unfamiliar to you
every spring
and every fall
a quiet echo chamber

you’ve given up on solid ground
it never got you anywhere

at the will of chaos
you will move forward

pillars of fire
flicker against the deep red sunrise
feeling tangled again
but part of me understands
the importance of this pain
of love
and particularly
of loss

I don’t think anything hurts
more than apathy

I can never remember my dreams
but I think I’ve been
visiting the same place every night
trying to find you
wandering the halls of my subconscious

when does this story end?
or does it only transform
weaving fiction and reality
into an ultimate truth

slicing off little pieces of myself
a brief vision of vulnerability

wounds heal slowly these days
sometimes bleeding for hours
I like to stand over rushing water
and watch the red drops of my muddled essence
dilute and blend into the current