forever hunting

amongst barren grounds

a craving consciousness,

never satiated

searching for

another dose of dopamine

and spending another night

asleep with the lights on



until you run out of breath


chaos is the sculptor of beauty

the glistening snow hiding cracks in the asphalt

I tried to find my way home

but everything looked different

memories flood to me every morning

they’re gone by sundown

a life of fleeting moments to try and hold on to

I used to be glad I had a poor memory

but now I don’t want to forget you


romanticizing the dark

drastic measures

for minor issues

restless nights

and drowsy days

caustic thoughts

and paradoxical behavior

take your pills

take a breath

they told you that would help

just give it another week


fuzzy memories

blurred from bliss

hazy days spent with indulgence

reckless nights spent without regard

stolen bottles smashed onto asphalt

sirens, running

back to the safe house

for more chemicals

more meaningless sex

waking up in a strangers bed

resolutions and regret

recoil and resent

relapse and repeat

drug dreams

I’m drifting up
and crashing down
I’ll follow-up
don’t turn around
just drink the cup
without a sound
and don’t letup
or else you’ll drown

cyclical patterns of joy and desolation
of abuse and abstaining
it might have been my imagination
but I woke up; it’s still raining

drug dreams
and cold sweat
it seems
I reset

so I’ll have one more
and I will make sure
there are no more surprises
until tomorrow’s sun rises

morning contemplations

the suns been up for a while now
it’s about time to throw away those bottles
empty the ashtray
and wipe off the mirror

what did you do
not again
and again

my oasis next to a minefield
and it shrinks with every indulgent escape

i feel eluded by a feeling i’m not sure I believe in
and I’m searching for it here at rock bottom